I know you wanna go to heaven but you’re human tonight
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Vent
A lot of shits happened, normally I’d try write this with pen and paper but I can’t turn on a fucking light cos it’s too hot. Anyways I’m gonna vent here and hope none of the people in my life see this. I’m feeling depressed again, I want to cry my eyes out all the bloody time. I don’t feel worthy of anyone’s company or compassion. I told myself that this time I got close to someone it would be different, I could finally let parts of my walls down and let people in for once. To let them get to know me and for me to get to know them. Well that’s been fucking ruined, I’ve realised I’m a convenience. I’m someone who’s disposable, some toy to play with and then get bored and throw away….
I need space from everyone around me, I want to sit at a beach, in front of a giant window on a rainy day and listen to jazz music, walk through the city and admire the buildings and heritage, catch a train and stare out the window listening to music. I want to collect myself and fuck off from everyone. I want to be worthy to someone not just an object you throw away when you’re not amused anymore.